Saturday, 28 December 2013

Signs Of A Typical Indian Gay Husband Still In Closet

I am writing this one for all the ladies who are in a doubt and asking themselves, "Is there anything wrong with me?" The answer is NO! Nothing is wrong with you.

The very first sign of an Indian gay husband MIGHT be the first night or the 'Suhag Raat' itself. He will be all nice and understanding saying sweet things, somewhat on the lines, "I understand it's all new for you, you can visit your parents any-time you like. You are FREE to do whatever you like." and then goes to sleep with his back facing the bride.

I have been there. I got married against my will. I tried really hard not to get married. Indian social system does not accept this. It cannot tolerate somebody to remain happy I suppose.

What about the girl? She has absolutely no idea about the dry and passionless desert she is getting into. Whether he will be able to love her or not. She has no choice i suppose, she might be having two more sisters after her to be married. What is the guarantee that she would be happy had she got married to a straight guy? What is the guarantee that he would not cheat her or beat her or whatever...? I remember this film I once saw in 2004, 'Lost In Translation', I really feel the husband of the protagonist was a gay guy. If you really want to see a film on a gay husband in the hiding, it has to be of course, no prizes for guessing, 'Far From Heaven'. If you want to know how long a gay man can remain in hiding, well, it can be the complete lifetime of the marriage until the wife dies, the 2010 film 'Beginners'. If you are on the lines, that films are imagination, let me tell you, since i have been there, they are not. I watched them all after coming out of my marriage and i cannot tell you how insanely correct they are.

How does an Indian gay husband look like? Well, The answer is almost like a usual straight man. In the rural Indian scenario you just won't be able to tell the difference until the guy himself is a 'Power Bottom' and screaming loudly with his gestures that he is gay. It is just a little more distinct in the urban Indian scenario where people are becoming more, I hate to use this term, 'Metro-sexual'. An Indian gay in the hiding would deliberately try to dress like a straight guy, for social acceptance. Indian parents has guided him to the extent of the colour of his clothing and his hair cut, in terms of social acceptance. He very well know what will compromise his veil. You have to look for the small nuances. The colours 'Pink', 'Violet' and 'Purple' and all there shade, specially if they are mufflers and shirt and is worn by an urban guy. The semi urban and rural Indian straight guy would also wear bright colours, they can where anything really, they have a very poor sense of dressing. If you look closely, only then the small and detailed nuances will tell you that your husband is a gay. From my personal experience the eyes, specially the eyebrow tells about the guy's gayness, usually they are well lined and not so dense. If they are dense, even then they make him look clean. The eyes seem to fit on his face as if they are the eyes of a girl, they have this distinct reflection which is not their in a straight man. The hand gestures are another part. If the wrist is not firm and the hand seem to wave like that of a girl? The wrist hanging loosely while the forearm is in a right angled position.

A gay husband is not the first one to make a sexual advance MOST of the times. Until he is coming out of a month long celibacy and is what you call, oversexed. It takes a lot of time to arouse him. He does it with eyes closed or look at something else. He does not want to realize that you are a women. He ask you at times not to talk because it will distract him from fantasizing about a man inside his head. He likes to do it more from the back. He likes to do it at the wrong place. He does sex only once or twice a week when the actual figures of a straight men are as follows:

The First Night - At least 3-4 times. AT LEAST!
The First Year - Roughly daily.

Does he masturbate regularly? Does he take extra long in the toilet, while taking a bath? Its a sign of a unhappy married gay man.

Many gay husband would want to have a baby so that the wife would get busy and they can find love in a man. He would say, "Of course i want a baby. We will plan for a baby. Its a financial crunch right now."

There is no acceptable physical display of love in public and even more so in private. Look at your photo album. Is he holding you tight and close to you? NO! Are you the one who is holding him tight? YES! Is he hanging his arms around his male office colleague(s), collage mate(s) or school mate(s) publicly hugging them and occasionally kissing them on cheek? Where does this affection disappear when it is you the wife in the picture?

Have you ever noticed him noticing a girl? Does he often notice men and if you catch him doing so, he says, "I have seen him somewhere before." He has not.

Do not get misled by his female fan base on facebook or in the phone book. They are just cover-up, the technical term is 'The Beard'. Many gay people are friendly with girls as they talk about some common interests, they talk about their boyfriend and seek counselling from the gay guy. They are talking about their favourite topic 'Men'. Are there names like Cab, Taxi, Truck, Internet, Rahul, Sandeep, Brijesh in the phone book you have never heard a mention off. Just one word names, who often SMS text which sounds like 'Have you reached?', 'I am waiting', 'At what time?'. Are there many SMS  from an office colleague having a name e.g., Karan Office but the content of it does not seem to be anything official? Does he ask about your where about often on the phone? He might be arranging love meeting at home on Saturdays while you are away shopping.

"Are you having an affair with a girl?"
"No! I swear in your name, i am NOT HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH ANY GIRL!"

The computer or the laptop, does it have an internet history cleared all the time? Does its google auto filled turned off? Is the google safe image search turned MODERATE SEARCH ON? If it is not, then look for anything like gay, muscle, bear, black, ebony, big trucker, leather etc. Search for a secret zipped file which is more than 8 MB in size. Try to unzip it. Ask for a password does it? Try words like 'secret', 'topsecret', or 'hiddenplace', they might just work. Are there some picture files or video files named numerically like 1.jpg or 2.avi?

Some gay husband genuinely feel guilty for getting married under social pressure. They try to compensate their wives with, trips, cinema, food outings and clothing with remarkably good choice. They are themselves an afraid bunch and do not have the courage to come out.

WARNING: I have read some blogs saying, that some gay guys were successful in overcoming their gayness because they loved their wife. Its 'BULLSHIT'. They did that because they never wanted to compromise their social status, community(Bengali, Punjabi, Jaat , ...) support and they felt responsible towards their kids. They are still gay and will stare at men. Its the fear and not the love that is keeping them contained. Don't fool your self that they love you. I admit they might feel sorry for you and sympathies with you for, well, you getting married to them, but love? NO! NO! NO! Eventually they will get tired of this pretence. If they say they love you, just don't believe that. I know its bitter to swallow, it is the truth.

If a wife knows a husband is gay, she should try to come out of the marriage not by immediately exploding, 'Busted! I know you are a gay.' It won't be of much help and create entertainment for others. Becoming financially independent is the major step forward, if going back to the parents is not an option. Ask him to extend your professional education. Get a job. Then get a good job. If then you feel you can take a step ahead, talk to him and strike an alumni deal or get some legal counselling. If you separate, look for a suitable match and a fresh start to life,its never to late to start afresh and starting afresh helps you shed a  lot of load.  This topic 'How to get out of a passionless marriage with a gay husband' is complicated yet not impossible. It needs an elaborate description . I'll be writing soon. I got out of one such marriage. Out of the few possible ways, mine was the worst possible one.